Can you not give someone a gift for their wedding? Physically, yes, you have the capability to avoid the ATM or refuse to write a check. You can even cover your eyes when you pass the card store. Some blogs will tell you that you don’t have to give the bride and groom a gift. I find that to be complete and utter BS.
I’m someone who has been on both sides of it. I’ve been both a bride and a guest. I’ve attended weddings when I wasn’t making much money at my previous job. But guess what I still did? I gave the bride and groom a gift! For some weddings I gave more, for some I gave less. But, despite any circumstances, I gave something. In my opinion, if you’re planning on going to someone’s wedding, you either give them a gift or you don’t go.
To quote Heidi M. from a WeddingBee forum: “When you’re invited to a wedding, you bring a gift. No ifs, ands, or buts. Maybe things are different outside of the east coast, but if you’ve chosen to attend a wedding, you most definitely bring a gift. Would you go to a friend’s house for dinner without bringing a bottle of wine, or some dessert? No, I hope not! It’s the same premise. If you were going out to dinner you’d have to pay the bill, why would you attend a wedding, drink unlimited drinks, eat great food, and not bring a gift? That’s crazy. This topic makes me livid! Attending a wedding and not giving a gift is extremely rude. If you’re that down and out, stay home and make up some excuse as to why you can’t go, and then send the newlyweds a nice card acknowledging their new marriage. Couples send out save the dates and invites almost a year before the wedding, if you can’t put aside $5 a week to get them something decent, then really, just don’t go. The couple will understand.”
I could not agree more. I find it extremely rude. We had about 7 people not give us gifts at all. Yes, really! 3 people (one couple, and one person who was coming solo) plain and simple did not show up for our wedding. They RSVP’d yes, but did not show up, nor give a reason or apologize, nor send a card or gift. The 4 remaining people came, danced, drank their faces off, ate, ate some more, drank some more, and went home.
It costs the bride and groom so much money to put a wedding together and it is incredibly insulting when people don’t so much as give you a small gift, or even a congratulatory card. I can understand not following the "you should cover your plate" rule, as we determined that probably 85 percent of our guests did not cover their plates. But our budget is not their budget. Some people go and give what they want to give/ can give, despite what the plates cost, and that's fine! But going and not giving a gift at all? Not showing up and not sending a gift? Not fine! I truly find it unbelievable.
So can you go to a wedding and not give a gift? Sure! Can you RSVP yes, and not show up? Mmmm k! But if you do either of those things, then, plain and simple, you're a jerk.